


Alone With You

by hchollym



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 07:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18615979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hchollym/pseuds/hchollym
Summary: [ENDGAME SPOILERS]After all is said and done, Bucky and Peter have more in common than either of them wanted.





	Alone With You

**Author's Note:**

> ***Major Avengers: Endgame Spoilers! Don't read if you have not seen the movie and do not want to know how it ends. 
> 
> After watching the movie tonight, I was depressed, and I just had to write something. This is what happened. I love Peter/Bucky, and I just felt like the ending lends itself to this. 
> 
> Just an FYI, Peter is 17 in this (the legal age of consent in New York), although not much happens. 
> 
> Reviews are always very much appreciated <3

Bucky felt numb. The words played over and over in his head: _I’m with you till the end of the line._ He supposed they’d finally reached that end. It was strange; he’d always assumed that end would come when one of them was killed. He never imagined that one of them would die of old age while the other stayed young. It felt _wrong_. He was happy for Steve, truly. If anyone deserved happiness, it was Steve, but it felt so _empty_ to live in a world without him.

Bucky was an Avenger now. He had hesitated when he received the offer, but Sam – the new Captain America – had insisted. That, in and of itself, was strange. The two of them had never been the best of friends, but now they worked together civilly to save the world. Bucky thought that Steve would be proud of them. Bucky didn’t feel proud though. He felt hollow, like he was just going through the motions in a fog.

He was from another time. When Steve was alive – even if they weren’t anywhere near one another – there was an unspoken solidarity and comfort in knowing that there was someone else out there who was thrown into a world that they didn’t belong in. Now though, Bucky was the only one left, and he felt more alone than ever.

...

Peter couldn’t sleep. He had bags under his eyes, and he’d lost weight. Food tasted like ash in his mouth, and the irony was not lost on him. Every time he closed his eyes, he was assaulted with memories of everything that went wrong: when he failed at fighting Thanos, when his body turned to dust, and when he watched Mr. Stark fade away. The last image haunted him the most. Mr. Stark shouldn’t be gone; he was invincible.

Peter knows it’s a childish thought, because no one is invincible, but Mr. Stark always seemed to be larger than life, like the rules didn’t apply to him. In the end, Mr. Stark was only human, and Peter wasn’t sure how to cope with that. His parents had died, and then his Uncle Ben, and now Mr. Stark. He was beginning to think that he was bad luck; a curse on every person that he loved. It was a cruel irony that he had powers to save people, and yet he hadn’t been able to save the people that meant the most to him.

He was terrified that Aunt May would be next, which was one reason why he was willing to move into the Avenger compound. May was probably better off without him around. The other reason was that the Avengers needed more members after they had lost so many, and how was Peter supposed to say no when those heroes died so people like him could survive? Aunt May had been sad about his decision, but she understood.

At one point, Peter would have been thrilled to be an Avenger. Now, the honor was dulled without Mr. Stark around. Steve Rogers was gone too. Everything and everyone were so different now, and even though Peter hadn’t aged 5 years like some of the others had, he felt so much older; so much more tired. It felt like his world had been titled on its axis, and everything was _wrong_.  

...

Peter was sitting on a bench outside, overlooking the lawn and getting lost in his own head. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. His mind was a tempting yet treacherous thing. He could remember a different time, and it would comfort him for a little while, but he always ended up back in reality, feeling more torn apart each time. He heard someone approach and glanced up to see Bucky.

“You okay?” the winter soldier asked as he sat down beside him. Peter blinked as the words got caught on the tip of his tongue. _No, not at all. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be okay again_.

“Yeah,” he responded instead. Bucky didn’t look at all convinced, and Peter avoided eye contact. He remembered fighting this man in Germany, and now they fought alongside one another. It was just another thing that had changed, along with a million others. 

“It’s weird, not having them here,” Bucky commented, looking out over the field. He couldn’t believe that he was here, sitting next to someone he barely knew and talking about their dead friends. It was all so surreal. But Peter had looked so lost and alone that Bucky couldn’t walk away. He knew those feelings well; he lived with them constantly, and he knew firsthand how suffocating they could be.

“Yeah, it is,” Peter agreed, swallowing over the lump in his throat. The silence stretched on as Peter felt the tears stinging at his eyes. This was all wrong. Bucky shouldn’t be sitting beside him and comforting him right now. Peter didn’t even know if Mr. Stark had forgiven Bucky, and if he hadn’t, then was he insulting Mr. Stark’s memory by talking with the other man? Peter wasn’t even sure that any of it mattered anymore, and that thought was almost worse.

“He saved me, but I couldn’t save him. I failed him,” Peter admitted. The words had been swirling around his head ever since Mr. Stark’s death, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to say them. He didn’t know why he was telling this to the other man, but a part of him supposed that it was because he didn’t feel like he needed to protect Bucky from the truth. The winter soldier looked at him sympathetically, his eyes shining with understanding.

“If you had managed to save him, so many others would have died. Stark wouldn’t have wanted it that way,” Bucky assured Peter. He may not have known Stark well, but he was certain of this fact. Peter choked back a sob as the tears began to fall. It shouldn’t have been Mr. Stark. The world was cruel to require that sacrifice from him when he had finally gotten his life together; when he had a little girl to raise and so much more to give.

Bucky placed his hand on Peter’s shoulder, trying to comfort him, and Peter suddenly felt so small. He wished that his aunt was there. He wanted her to hold him while he smelled the comforting scent of her perfume; to feel secure and safe. He couldn’t help himself as he launched against Bucky and sobbed into his chest. The winter soldier froze for a moment before wrapping his arms around Peter and rubbing his back reassuringly.   

Peter reminded Bucky so much of the younger version of Steve; determined and pure, yet also vulnerable and old beyond his years after so many painful experiences. It made Bucky’s heart ache. He closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that threated to spill from his own eyes. Peter pulled away when his sobbing subsided, wiping his eyes nervously.

“Sorry,” he mumbled out, embarrassed that he had just used the winter soldier as a teddy bear, but Bucky shrugged.

“It’s okay,” he said calmly, and Peter was struck by how soothing his voice always sounded. Peter sighed, fighting the urge to tell Bucky everything that he was thinking. He knew it wasn’t fair; Bucky barely knew him, and the last thing he needed was to listen to Peter’s issues. Yet Peter didn’t know who else to talk to. He didn’t want to upset his aunt or his friends, and any therapists around were inundated with clients. He needed to get these thoughts out of his head before they consumed him.

“I can still feel it, you know? Turning into dust. It’s like a phantom pain in my body,” Peter confessed. Bucky’s eyes widened.

“You felt it?” Bucky asked in shock, and Peter looked at him quizzically.

“Yes. Didn’t you?” He had assumed that everyone felt it, but Bucky shook his head.

“I didn’t feel anything; it all happened so fast. What did you feel?” he asked, genuinely curious. Peter was quiet for a few moments, and Bucky wasn’t sure that he was going to respond at all. When he finally did speak, his voice shook.

“It felt like every molecule in my body was being ripped apart. I could feel myself break down, piece by piece. It was agonizing. I could feel my body crumbling, but I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” Peter whispered, pain etched onto his face from the memory.

Bucky was horrified. After everything he’d seen and done (and there was plenty), Peter’s confession made his stomach churn. He felt like he was going to be sick. It was eternally wrong that this person – this innocent, good person – had suffered so much while Bucky was given a peaceful demise. He wanted to say something to help, but what could he say? His useless words wouldn’t fix anything, and “sorry” seemed like a pathetic response.

“And now, I see people that I was just in class with last month, and suddenly they’re all in college and 5 years older. They’ve all moved on while I’m stuck in the past. It’s like the world kept turning even when I wasn’t here, and that hurts, as stupid as it sounds,” Peter finished. Bucky swallowed, understanding that part entirely.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he responded sadly, and Peter’s eyes widened.

“Shit, of course you do, way more than I do. I’m sorry,” he apologized, but Bucky shook his head.

“Don’t be. I can’t imagine having to deal with what you went through during the snap. We've all suffered. Just because my experiences came before Thanos doesn’t make your pain any less,” Bucky explained sincerely. Peter swallowed, focusing on his hands to avoid looking at the winter soldier.

“How did you deal with it though? Feeling like you don’t belong in this place anymore… Because I feel like I’m falling apart,” Peter admitted, hating how helpless he sounded. He wanted to be strong and deal with this on his own – the way Mr. Stark would have – but he was drowning under the weight of this devastation, and he needed something, _anything_ , to give him hope that he would eventually breathe again. Bucky paused, considering his next works carefully.

“Sometimes, you have to break to put yourself back together again,” Bucky told him, though he was still trying to grapple with this fact himself. Peter swallowed.

“That kind of sucks,” he stated, and Bucky laughed.

“Yeah, it does,” the winter soldier admitted.

After a moment of silence, Peter added, “Thanks.” He looked down at his feet self-consciously.

“Anytime,” Bucky responded, putting his hand on Peter’s shoulder again so that the younger man would look up.

“I mean that. If you ever need to talk, I’m here, alright,” the winter solider offered. He wasn't sure what had come over him; he was probably the last person that Peter wanted to talk to. Yet he understood what Peter was going through, and he didn't want the younger man to ever have to deal with it alone. Bucky would do whatever he could to help. Peter nodded, feeling the tears well up again, and he wanted to scream.

He was so tired of crying. He was tired of being sad; tired of living with guilt. He just wanted to stop feeling awful, if only for a moment. Bucky was looking at him so kindly, and they were only inches apart, so Peter closed the distance before he even realized what he was doing. He pressed his lips against Bucky’s, and the winter soldier froze. Peter pulled back in shock from his own actions.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to stop hurting, and I thought… shit, I’m sorry,” Peter mumbled with no small amount of self-loathing. He moved to stand up, but Bucky grabbed his arm to stop him.

Bucky didn’t fully know why he stopped Peter from leaving; he had simply reacted. His mind was racing, and he knew that he should not be doing _this_ , yet he wanted to so badly. He craved this intimacy; to touch and be touched; to feel _real_ instead of like this shell of a person that he’d been lately. He understood exactly what Peter meant: for the first time since the snap, Peter wanted – no, _needed_ – something to feel good. He needed a life jacket to keep him afloat in the rough waters crashing around him, and Bucky wanted the same thing.

So, before he could focus on the consequences of his actions and all of the reasons why this was not a good idea, Bucky surged forward and kissed Peter. The younger man responded instantly, putting one hand on Bucky’s jaw and the other on his knee. The winter soldier licked at Peter’s lip, and Peter quickly opened his mouth to allow Bucky’s tongue entrance.

The kiss was raw and intense and sad as they both poured every ounce of pain, regret, and need into it until their heads were spinning. When they parted, they stayed close, breathing in the same air and looking into one another’s eyes. It should have been awkward, but Peter found it oddly comforting. Neither spoke, but they didn’t need to.  

After all was said and done, Bucky and Peter had more in common than either of them wanted. The world was a different place now, and they couldn’t go back. The only way to go was forward, no matter how painful and impossible that seemed. Neither of them was sure how to adapt to this new world yet, but they were beginning to realize that maybe they weren’t completely alone in it.  


End file.
